Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast About Disability

Episode 17: Is Independence Ableist?

October 04, 2021 Laura Stinson Season 1 Episode 18
Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast About Disability
Episode 17: Is Independence Ableist?
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

A micro-episode today! But there are only so many ways to answer the question, "Is independence ableist?"

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TRANSCRIPT OF “IS INDEPENDENCE ABLEIST?”

[rock guitar music]

MALE VO [00:03]
This is Bad Attitudes.

[rock guitar music]

LAURA [00:20]
Hello friends and strangers! Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast about Disability. I’m your host, Laura.

Several months ago, I came across an Instagram post that said, “Independence is ableist.” I didn’t save the post, much to my chagrin, but the question of whether the concept of independence is ableist has been living rent-free in my head ever since.

Today’s episode is sponsored by Stacy Putman. Thank you, Stacy!

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[01:42]
As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. Although some aspects are universal, my experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community, but I am not the only voice.

[02:04]
So, is independence ableist? If we’re talking about the high school I attended for 10th grade, then, yes, one hundred percent ableist. Whew, that was a hell of a year. But, if you’re talking about the concept of independence, that’s something altogether different.

The post I mentioned before. The fundamental point of the post was that the concept of independence is ableist because it disregards people who need aid or support to live, especially disabled people. But I don’t think independence is ableist. I think what’s ableist is assuming that independence looks the same for everyone.

I guess the first thing to consider would be what do you consider to be the basic tenets of independence? In effect, what is the one thing that defines being independent? Is it living alone? Is it having a job? 

I’ll be honest. Sometimes I don’t feel independent enough. Certainly 10-year-old me expected us to be in a much different place by this point. 10-year-old me was quite the optimist. She thought we’d be rich by now. She didn’t understand capitalism. But my feeling like I’m not independent enough stems from the fact that I still live in my childhood home and share it with my parents. Especially when I hear any kind of “adult child still lives with mom” jokes. But, since we’re being honest, it just makes sense for me. It’s difficult to find accessible, affordable housing. Places where I would want to live are either not affordable or don’t meet my access needs. As much as I would love a place of my own, the challenges it presents are not worth the perceived independence.

Does living with my parents mean I’m not independent? On the surface, I think many people would say yes. But, I run my own business. I have this podcast. I have a car, so I can pretty much come and go as I please. I currently don’t please because, Covid, but if I wanted to be out among the unvaxxed masses, I could be. I pay my own bills. I buy my own clothes. Where is the line for independence?

Are people who need caregivers not living independently? Let’s say someone needs help with their basic needs: showering, dressing, etc. Are those people not living independently because they need that care? OR, is this something they need in order TO live independently?

This is what I mean when I say independence looks different for everyone. For one person, it might mean not relying on a single person for something else. For another person, it might look like needing help with certain tasks. For yet another person, it might mean requiring a full-time caregiver.

Independence is not ableist. The assumption that independence looks the same for everyone IS ableist.

Independence is more about quality of life than about what it looks like to some unknown outside observer. If you feel independent, you are independent. And it’s not like anyone is actually, truly independent, anyway. What would it take to be truly self-sufficient? You’d have to be able to provide your own food and water. You wouldn’t be able to ask for anyone’s assistance. Society is built on interdependence. We all need each other in order to survive.

Obviously, this isn’t as clear today with our society so dependent on capitalism, but if we look to the past, it’s more evident. When society was based around bartering, we relied on one another to meet our needs. But now, your life is viewed as unsuccessful if you can’t take care of everything on your own.

Yet, taking care of everything single-handedly is, as best, not feasible. At the very least, you’d be courting burnout on a daily basis. And most of us already do that.

So why do we assume that people who have different needs than we do aren’t living independently? Why do we assume that because someone doesn’t live up to a particular definition of “independence” they aren’t living independently?

[06:45]
This is like a micro-episode today. But, how many ways can I say that independence doesn’t look the same for everyone? How many ways can I say that doing everything alone isn’t necessarily the same as doing things independently?

If you’re raising a disabled child, you should definitely encourage them to be as independent as they want and are able to be. But be sure to balance that by teaching them to understand their limits, and teaching them that it’s okay to ask for help. Your kid should not push themself to the point of pain or exhaustion for the sake of independence. 

When your kid gets frustrated by what they can’t do, remind them not just what they can do, but what they can do BEST. That thing that they’re really good at; that thing they do like no one else. Because when you feel like you’re not living up to your own definition of independence, you need to be reminded of all that you’re capable of. For me, that means reminding myself of what I said before: My business. This podcast. My car.

But you don’t have to have those specific things to be living independently. Figure out what independence looks like FOR YOU.

Thanks for listening and I’ll talk to you in the next one.

[08:05]
[rock guitar music]



Intro
Disability is not a monolith.
Episode begins
Thanks for listening