Episode 16: Disability Doesn't Cause Depression

TRANSCRIPT OF “DISABILITY DOESN’T CAUSE DEPRESSION”

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MALE VO [00:03]
This is Bad Attitudes.

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LAURA [00:20]

Hello friends and strangers! Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast for Disability. I’m your host, Laura.

Non-disabled people can say some really inappropriate things to disabled people. Things like, “If I had to live like you, I would kill myself.” Suicidal ideation is often a hallmark of depression. But disability is not a direct cause of depression.

Today’s episode is sponsored by Jess H. Thank you, Jess!

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As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. Although some aspects are universal, my experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community, but I am not the only voice.

[2:07]
I mentioned in one of the first episodes that, in addition to being disabled, I also deal with depression. I’ve been on antidepressants since my early 20s and it has been a godsend. I was probably experiencing my depression as early as my teens, but teenage angst can look very similar to depression. An incident happened while I was in college that sent my depression into overdrive. Although I share a lot of personal stuff on this podcast, this incident is a little too personal, so I will not be sharing details about it.

My depression manifested itself as anger and I often felt like my emotions were too big for my body. I wrote a LOT of poetry during my teenage years and journaled a LOT during that time as well, ways in which I tried to purge that overflow of emotions. It wasn’t something I necessarily wanted to do, but writing felt like a physical need during this time. Since I’ve been on medication, I realized that writing poetry really wasn’t my thing, and my journaling habit dropped off steeply. I still enjoy journaling, but the difference is that I no longer feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t write down exactly what I’m feeling at a given moment. It’s a relief to feel like I’m in control of my emotions and not the other way around.

My disability did not cause my depression. Despite the misconstrued beliefs of many non-disabled people, disability is not a direct cause of depression or any mental illness. However, there are tangential aspects of disability that can lead to or exacerbate depression, and that’s what I want to talk about today. Because a lot of these tangential aspects could be mitigated by non-disabled allies or policy change.

[04:08]
Isolation and loneliness. Disabled people and those with chronic illness live very isolated lives. And it’s not a choice. Inaccessibility is a big reason. What is the point of leaving home if home is the only place that is truly accessible to you? (Assuming your home IS truly accessible. That’s an issue, as well.) We want to go and do and experience, but it’s exhausting to constantly come up against barriers preventing us from going and doing and experiencing. It’s exhausting to fight the attitude that says making the world more accessible is too burdensome for businesses and shouldn’t be expected. Or the attitude that accessibility is a privilege, not a right. (For the record, accessibility IS a right.)

Unpleasant as this might be to hear, non-disabled people often forget or simply choose not to include disabled people. Disabled and chronically ill people have to say no a lot. A lot more than they want to, for sure. Refer back to the episode on spoon theory. And if you keep inviting someone who constantly says no, it can be frustrating. I get that. Eventually, you want to just give up on inviting them at all. Because who wants all that rejection? So then, the disabled person is left waiting for invitations that will never come again.

In my sophomore year of college, I met three girls who changed my life. They became my dearest friends. I adored them. Still do. After one summer, I saw photographs of two of them visiting the third girl at her home. I was not invited. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, assuming I wasn’t invited because the girl’s house was not accessible. I have no idea if this was the reason or not, because I was too afraid to ask. It’s been 20 years and it still bugs me. Even if I would have had to say no, being asked would have meant the world to me. Because then I would have known for sure if they wanted me there. Because not knowing is the worst. Not knowing if you weren’t invited because they were concerned you wouldn’t be able to come, or if you weren’t invited because they simply didn’t want you there.

Don’t stop including us. Even if you think we’ll say no. Even if you think the activity or venue won’t be accessible. We might say no 9 out of 10 times, but that tenth time is everything. And even if we decline, just knowing we are wanted, that we are valued, is huge. Because that’s not limited to disabled people. Everyone wants to be wanted. Everyone wants to feel valued by the people they care about. Just remember that our saying no, our declining an invitation, might have nothing to do with what we actually want.

[07:21]
Poverty. Something like half of the people living in poverty have a disability. And if their sole income is SSI, supplemental security income, then they are living well below poverty level. In fact, one of the tenets of the SSI Restoration Act, a bill being lobbied right now, is raising SSI payments TO poverty level.

Can you imagine the stress that comes with not knowing how you’re going to pay your bills or your rent? Or not knowing how you’re going to afford to feed your family? That’s enough to send anyone’s mental health into a spiral, but add to that the costs associated with a disability? Equipment, medication, medical appointments. The toll of that stress is unfathomable for most people. And the number of people who think that disabled people who receive government assistance are just lazy is unfathomable to me. If they are able, most disabled people WANT to work. They WANT to be a productive member of society. They aren’t interested in sitting on their asses collecting benefits, no matter how many people want to spread that false narrative.

The problem isn’t that disabled people don’t want to work. The problem is employers don’t want to accommodate them. Employers think it is easier or cheaper to employ only non-disabled workers. Except that most accommodations aren’t expensive or difficult to implement, and in many cases would benefit a company’s entire workforce, not just one or two disabled employees. Look at all the people working from home in 2020 and 2021. That was easily and quickly implemented when companies decided it was worthwhile. Working from home is one of the most commonly requested accommodations of disabled workers, yet is routinely denied as being too expensive or too difficult. Hypocrisy.

And it’s not just about the money. There is an innate need in human beings to DO. To have a way to contribute. We all think that laying around, doing nothing, being rich, would be fulfilling. But, in reality, after a few days, or weeks, or months, we would get bored. It’s why these super rich jackasses are going to space. They’re bored. Apparently, they can’t think of better things to do with their time and infinite amount of money that would actually help the human populace. They were smart enough to get rich, but not smart enough to use it to benefit humanity.

Capitalism has sold us this big lie that we have to be productive all the time in order to be worthwhile, but that doesn’t mean people don’t want to be productive to some extent. Having something to do is important to a person’s well being, whether that’s a job, a project, or a volunteer gig. 

[10:23]
Lack of resources or lack of access to resources. Without an inside perspective, you might think that there are a lot of resources available to the disabled community. And while it looks that way on the surface, the truth is different. For one, the hurdles to qualify for various resources can be high. And the judgement for who qualifies for a particular service is subjective. And even if you qualify, there is the real question of if a particular resource is available in your area, or if it will work for your schedule.

Let’s take ride services for disabled people as an example. These shuttles aren’t like Uber or Lyft. You can’t just pull up an app and request one. They have to be scheduled days or even weeks in advance. If you aren’t where you’re supposed to be when you’re supposed to be there, there’s a very good chance you’ll be left behind. If you are reliant on these shuttles for transportation, there is no such thing as a spontaneous trip. And if there’s an emergency? You probably aren’t going to be able to count on them. Of course, a lot of this assumes that they serve whatever area you live in, or that they don’t have limits on the distance they will drive you. 

Other resources, like in-home help that comes a few times a week, can be spread incredibly thin. Assistants have to visit multiple homes a day and can only give an hour or two to an individual. That assumes they are well-trained, that they listen to the individuals they are meant to help, and that they actually provide help, rather than hindrance to their clients.

It’s easy to say, well, just pay for the care you need. But I ask you to revisit what I said about poverty just a bit ago. Paying for in-home care is prohibitively expensive for many, many disabled people. Maybe they have family members or friends who can help them, but maybe they don’t. Family and friends have responsibilities, too, lives and families and jobs of their own. It’s unfair to expect them to take on another potentially full-time job on top of their other responsibilities. If you DO have people in your life who can help you, that’s a privilege not available to everyone.

[12:49]
Pain. I know I’ve mentioned this multiple times already throughout the podcast, but the fact is, chronic pain exists. There are people in this world who are in pain 24/7/365. Not minor pain, but SERIOUS pain. Oftentimes, debilitating pain. Pain that can’t be dulled by your average over-the-counter painkiller. All the time. From the moment they wake up until the moment they go to sleep. 

They don’t look like they’re in pain and they almost certainly won’t say they’re in pain. If they mention their pain or it shows on their face, they are REALLY in pain. You might think that if you were in that amount of pain all the time, you would definitely complain about it. Except that people get tired of hearing about it, and they aren’t shy about letting you know they’re tired of hearing about it. So not only are you in constant pain, the people around you are giving you every impression that they don’t care.

And let me make this clear: People who have experienced a lot of pain or chronic pain have a different pain threshold than the average person. I don’t have chronic pain, but I’ve experienced severe pain a lot in my life and my pain tolerance is much higher than most of the people in my life. For example, I broke my thigh bone a couple of years ago. I didn’t even know it was broken for close to two months because I just thought it was a pulled muscle that was taking an incredibly long time to heal. My point is, people who suffer with chronic pain aren’t just experiencing a higher amount of pain, but they are experiencing a higher quality of pain. Their pain tolerance adapts to the pain they're experiencing, but the pain also adapts to their pain tolerance. Which means, over time, pain can get worse.

[14:53]
Any one of these experiences could turn your mental health upside down, but imagine dealing with two or even all of them at the same time. Your mental health, your emotional well-being, is going to be under constant assault.

But consider what could be done to offset these experiences. With the exception of chronic pain, all of these factors could be mitigated. By giving disabled people more consideration. By providing more funding to programs meant to help disabled people. By paying caregivers a decent wage. Even chronic pain would be easier to deal with if those who don’t experience it took the experience of sufferers more seriously.

So, short answer: Disability doesn’t cause depression, at least not directly. If it looks depressing from the outside, what you’re seeing is the lack of support, lack of resources, and lack of accessibility. But those factors could be alleviated if people are willing to acknowledge they exist.

Thanks for listening and I’ll talk to you in the next one.

[16:07]
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