Episode 83: Why Would You Say That?

TRANSCRIPT OF “WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?”

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MALE VO [00:03]
This is Bad Attitudes.

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LAURA [00:20]
Hello friends and strangers! Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast about Disability. I’m your host, Laura.

Seriously, why would you say that?

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As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. My experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community but I am not the only voice.

[02:10]
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A few days ago, a friend on Facebook posted that she had been approved to receive social security disability benefits on the first try! If you have ever tried to apply for benefits, you know that this is a big deal. I’ve known people who have applied multiple times, and, in some cases, it’s taken YEARS for them to get approved. 

Under her post, another friend of hers commented, “That’s wonderful, but sad that you’re disabled enough to get it on the first try.”

What the what?!

I stared at that comment for at least a minute, trying to decide if I should say something. I ultimately decided to let it slide, because, although I’m always happy to call out ableism, I’m not always interested in causing drama in someone’s personal, albeit virtual, space.

Make no mistake, this comment was ableist on multiple levels. First of all, the idea that there is such a thing as “disabled enough.” Clearly, there are specific criteria one must meet in order to qualify for social security disability, and not everyone meets those criteria. That doesn’t mean a person isn’t “disabled enough.” Conversely, if a person does meet those criteria, saying they’re disabled enough isn’t accurate. They simply meet the criteria. Anyone who is disabled is disabled enough.

Unfortunately, meeting the criteria of social security disability often isn’t actually enough to qualify. A lot of the time it comes down to documentation. Medical reports and documented history of your disability. Confirmation from at least one medical professional. Generally, you may STILL be asked to pay a visit to a medical professional of their choice to confirm your disability, but with enough historical documentation, you can get around this.

I’ve known multiple people who met the criteria to receive social security disability, yet were still denied coverage. Hence why it took so long for them to receive their benefits. When people apply for social security disability benefits, it is generally left to the discretion of the agent viewing their case. Even though it should be objective, it’s often subjective.

Also, why is it “sad” that this person qualifies for benefits due to being disabled? How many times do I have to tell people that disability is NOT inherently bad? Disability is value-neutral. The only value it has, positive or negative, is that which we place upon it. More often than not, the value comes not from the disability itself, but from the barriers we see in the world that negatively affect disabled people.

I recognize that this person was trying to express sympathy for someone who’s health is not as good as it used to be. But good intentions do not negate impact. No matter what our intentions may be, the impact of the things we say and do can still be negative. If you hurt someone’s feelings, it doesn’t really matter that you didn’t INTEND to hurt their feelings. You still did it.

Is there a chance that I’m reading too much into an innocent comment on a Facebook post? Sure, there’s a CHANCE. But there’s also a chance that I’ve seen enough ableism, both innocent and intentional, that I can recognize it even if you can’t. 

The person who left this comment has internalized the ableist ideas that disability is sad, and that there is such a thing as being “disabled enough,” because they have been inundated with those messages by society. Disability is a state to be avoided at all costs. Disability is pitiable. There is a stark line of demarcation between disabled and not disabled. You get the idea.

Even though this person likely thought their comment was innocuous, it’s just another way to reinforce these negative ideas about disability.

Is it sad when our bodies stop performing in the ways we want them to? Yes, of course. Noticing the ways our bodies change as we get older, or how they change when we encounter disability, can be disheartening and frustrating. Especially if you feel like you’re losing parts of your independence. Those are personal feelings we deal with in our own ways. It is NOT okay for another person to comment on our bodies saying, “Oh it’s so sad that your body isn’t exactly the same as it used to be.” We don’t get to make those judgements about other people. We can think them, we can feel them, but we do not say them out loud.

For the record, disability isn’t something that necessarily has to be avoided. We want to avoid injury and serious bodily harm. Sometimes, in order to do that, we have to embrace disability. Disability is not pitiable. Don’t pity the disabled person. Pity the person who refuses to see that a disabled life jas just as much value and beauty as a non-disabled one.

And, remember, like everything else, disability exists on a spectrum. Being closer to one end or the other doesn’t make you more or less disabled. You may have fewer indicators or less severe symptoms, but your identity as a disabled person is still valid.

Thanks for listening and I’ll talk to you in the next one.

[07:46]
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