Episode 81: Am I An Imposter?

TRANSCRIPT OF “AM I AM IMPOSTER?”

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MALE VO [00:03]
This is Bad Attitudes.

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LAURA [00:20]
Hello friends and strangers! Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast about Disability. I’m your host, Laura.

Make sure to listen all the way to the end of today’s episode. I’ve got a couple of special announcements to make.

Today’s episode is sponsored by Bella Smith! Thank you, Bella!

If you would like to sponsor an episode, visit ko-fi.com/badattitudespod and make a donation. Every donation gets a shout-out in a future episode and your donations help keep the pod running.

If you like this episode, share it and the podcast with your friends. Word of mouth is absolutely the best way to grow this podcast and our community. And please make sure you are rating and reviewing the podcast on your preferred platform. It really helps me out!

For questions, comments, or ideas, email badattitudespod@gmail.com or reach out through social media. Follow @BadAttitudesPod on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. And Threads when I remember to post there.

As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. My experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community but I am not the only voice.

[01:46]
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Today’s episode is going to be an introspective one. I’m sure some of you can relate to this, but sometimes, my brain just wanders down random paths, and ideas pop into my head that I have no clue where they came from. Usually when I’m trying to go to sleep.

This happened recently. I was laying in bed, trying to tame my mind into a restful state (easier said than done), when it occurred to me that my experience as a disabled person has been rather benign.

I’m not saying it’s been easy. I’ve definitely had my fair share of difficulties and trauma. But it could have been so much worse. 

Bullying, for example. Disabled kids are bullied all the time. In a report from 2012, 35.3 percent of students with behavioral and emotional disorders reported being bullied. 34 percent of students with autism; 24.3 percent of students with intellectual disabilities; 20.8 percent of students with health impairments; and 19 percent of students with specific learning disabilities all reported being bullied. I’ll put a link to this information in the episode notes.

I never experienced bullying. Keep in mind that due to my medical trauma, a lot of my childhood memories are blurry, but I have no recollection of ever being a victim of bullying. This isn’t to say I was always treated well, but that was more likely due to having shitty friends during my adolescence. For more on that, go back and listen to the episode, “High School Hell.”

I do contend that I might have fallen victim to cyberbullying had social media been a thing in my formative years. But, again, I would put that at the feet of said shitty friends. Let’s just say I’m grateful social media didn’t hit its peak until AFTER I graduated from college.

I’ve also been quite privileged in that I’ve never had to struggle with getting proper medical care or having doctors believe me. Again, that’s not to say everything has been perfect. I have plenty of medical horror stories to share. But, I’ve always had access to decent healthcare and insurance. I’ve usually been under the care of competent medical professionals. If they weren’t competent, I didn’t remain in their care for very long.

I’ve never experienced abuse, even though caregiver abuse is HIGHLY common in the disabled community. I’ve also never been a victim of sexual abuse, although something like 83 percent of disabled women experience sexual abuse.

I have been incredibly lucky.

So, sometimes, when I share the information I share on this podcast, I do wonder if I’m the one who should be sharing it. This is mostly rhetorical wondering because this information needs to be shared, and if I have the voice and the platform to do it, then why not me? But, my experience seems so limited compared to other disabled voices out there. Who am I to be speaking on something I’ve never personally experienced?

Of course, plenty of people speak all the time on things they’ve never personally experienced. Especially men and anything related to menstruation, female reproduction, or just the female body in general.

Still, I want to be as authentic as possible, and true to any story I represent. I do my best to make it clear when I’m sharing information that is not personal to me. I try really hard to never put my words in someone else’s mouth. When possible, I try to back up whatever opinions I give with verifiable facts.

I made this episode because I felt the need to remind everyone that, comparatively speaking, I’ve had a relatively easy disabled experience. So if I’m talking about something particularly horrifying, I’m probably equally horrified. When I have not experienced something, I’ll make every effort to make it clear that I’m not speaking from personal experience.

I recognize this as a variation of imposter syndrome. I’m not looking for reassurance, I just wanted you all to know that I know that my experience as a disabled person has been very privileged and that I take that into consideration whenever I talk about especially tough topics.

[06:25]
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On to the fun stuff!

This first announcement is less an announcement and more a request for your assistance. I’ve been wanting to create a subscription for bonus content and perks (like Patreon, but using KoFi since I already have that page), but I don’t really know what kind of perks y’all would like. So send me an email, or hit me up on Facebook or Instagram and give me some ideas. Ideas for digital perks are preferred because, remember, it’s just little old me over here. Some physical rewards might be possible, but they would be limited in availability, maybe a couple or few times a year. Again, just send me an email or slide into my Instagram or Facebook DMs with your ideas.

Announcement number two: I’m giving a TED talk! I know! Wild! Back in June, my alma mater announced that it would be hosting TEDx in September, so I took a chance and applied. I’m as surprised as anyone that I was accepted. So, after this episode, I’m going to take a few weeks off so I can give my full attention to memorizing and preparing my presentation. I can only afford to have so many words rattling around in my head at a time.

I plan for my next new episode to be September 25. There’s a slim chance I might be able to get an episode out on September 18, but I feel like that is overly optimistic. I’d rather underpromise and possibly overdeliver than overpromise and underdeliver. I do intend, at that point, to have new episodes up until Thanksgiving before I take off for the holidays. I INTEND to do that, but we all know what happens when you make plans.

I don’t have much information about the actual presentation. I assume that afterwards there will be a video I can share with all of you, but one way or another, I’ll make sure you guys get to hear what I have to say, even if that’s just recording my speech as an episode.

Thanks for listening and I’ll talk to you in the next one.

[08:37]
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