Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast About Disability

Episode 66: AITA Disability Edition Part 2

May 01, 2023 Laura Stinson Season 3 Episode 11
Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast About Disability
Episode 66: AITA Disability Edition Part 2
Show Notes Transcript

Let's judge more people on the internet!

Email badattitudespod@gmail.com

Follow @badattitudespod on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter

Support the pod ko-fi.com/badattitudespod

Be sure to leave a rating or review wherever you listen!

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Support the show

Watch my TEDx talk

Email badattitudespod@gmail.com

Follow @badattitudespod on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Threads

Support the pod ko-fi.com/badattitudespod

Be sure to leave a rating or review wherever you listen!

FairyNerdy: https://linktr.ee/fairynerdy

TRANSCRIPT OF “AITA DISABILITY EDITION PART 2”

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MALE VO [00:03]
This is Bad Attitudes.

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LAURA [00:20]
Hello friends and strangers! Welcome to another episode of Bad Attitudes: An Uninspiring Podcast about Disability. I’m your host, Laura.

Let’s judge some more people on the internet!

Today’s episode could be sponsored by you. If you would like to sponsor an episode, visit ko-fi.com/badattitudespod and make a donation. Every donation gets a shout-out in a future episode and your donations help keep the pod running.

If you like this episode, share it and the podcast with your friends. Word of mouth is absolutely the best way to grow this podcast and our community. And please make sure you are rating and reviewing the podcast on your preferred platform. It really helps me out!

For questions, comments, or ideas, email badattitudespod@gmail.com or reach out through social media. Follow @BadAttitudesPod on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

As always, I want to remind you that disability is not a monolith. My experience as a disabled person is going to be different from the experiences of other disabled people. I am one voice for the disabled community but I am not the only voice.

[01:42]
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We’re going back to the Am I The Asshole subreddit today to pass judgement on more people. Yay! Let’s get to it.

Am I The Asshole for taking advantage of my disability when I don't 'need' it?

I (23M) am a graduate student in college soon to enter the wonderful working world (yay) in just a few months, and have come to a mental barrier when it comes to getting accommodations out of teachers and professors alike for my Crohn's Disease.

As of recent, my disease has been acting up quite a bit more than usual, and has gotten severe enough that I've had to go to the bathroom numerous times during classes on some rough days, to the point where my body gets clammy and feverish from the amount of bowel movements I have to experience in a single hour long block or so. Luckily, though, my Crohn's is still rarely active and can still be managed fairly well when I do have issues. I've also been in contact with my professors when incidents like this happen, and they have been more than happy to help me out if I miss something important while I'm gone, or are completely understanding if I can't stay through the entirety of class. Considering we have mandatory attendance in my program, I really appreciate this, as well as my professors being so readily understanding of my shitty disease (ha ha).

When it comes to these accommodations, however, there is always the opportunity to abuse the fact that I have a disability without actually needing said exemption. While it's clearly unfair to the other students as well as the professors if I take advantage of my disability for getting out of exams or taking off to go gallivanting to some party, I still find it difficult to resist the urge when the professor/commanding party is making everyone in the class do something stupid.

As my most recent example, my grad program has recently decided that it would be a great idea to get the entire program to embark on a 5 hour, mandatory outdoor field trip to help increase our social skills. As a grad student about to get out of the door this has made me and the others in my class groan in pain, but in the back of my mind I have no doubt that I can get out of it if I just wave my magical disability wand at the advisors in our department.

Is there a good reason that a person with Crohn's wouldn't want to be outdoors for 5 hours without a nice and shiny bathroom that's easily accessible? Without a doubt. That said, will I likely have any issues whatsoever? Most likely not. If I were to go, it's a pretty easy bet that I won't suffer any more than the rest of my colleagues.

Am I The Asshole for wanting to get out of this dumb event? Doing something like this would technically be just as unfair to my friends as skipping an exam or the like considering no one else can get out of it, but I still can't help myself thinking that if the other students in my program had the magic words to get out, many would do it in a heartbeat. Using my disability like this definitely isn't the intended use of section 504, but if it doesn't really matter and I'm not hurting anyone else around me... should I really care outside of anything else but 'principle'?

[05:20]
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Well, that puts a bit of a literal spin on “Am I the Asshole” doesn’t it? Look, short answer is, yes, OP would be an asshole if he used his disability to get out of an event just because he doesn’t want to participate. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do the exact same thing.

Being an asshole in an isolated incident doesn’t mean “asshole” is your entire identity. It just means that, in this case, your behavior is not strictly above board. It’s not a stellar thing to do, but no one is well-behaved all the time.

Personally, I think it’s perfectly reasonable that OP would be concerned about being stuck somewhere without a restroom when he has a condition like Crohn’s. I don’t have Crohn’s and being stuck somewhere for five hours without an accessible bathroom would make me nervous, too. So, OP is totally within his rights to opt out of the event by waving his “magical disability wand.”

What makes OP an asshole is the fact that he’s not actually that concerned about being without a bathroom for five hours, he just thinks this required event is stupid and he doesn't want to do it. This is completely understandable. I remember being a college senior and on the cusp of graduation, only to be given an arbitrary requirement that made absolutely no sense and felt like a complete waste of my time. If I could have gotten out of it by using my disability, I probably would have. It would have made me an asshole, but I still would have done it.

What OP really needs to take into consideration is his classmates. Yes, if they were able, the classmates would probably do the same thing. And they might even give OP a proverbial pat-on-the-back for doing it, but they will still harbor resentment towards OP, even if they don’t realize it. There will still be a whiff of “special treatment” for OP because of his disability. In this case, “special” would be synonymous with “preferential.” If his classmates find out that OP is using his disability as an excuse (even if it is totally valid that his Crohn’s disease would make attending this event difficult), it’s going to engender at least a little ill will because THEY don’t have an out.

Keep in mind, disabled people are accused every day of faking and exaggerating their disabilities to “game the system.” Especially those with invisible or episodic disabilities like Crohn’s. So, if OP uses his disability to get out of this event when he doesn’t really believe it’s necessary, it’s not going to look good for him. He has to be aware of that fact if he plans to go forward down this path.

This is the kind of situation where I wouldn’t blame OP for playing the system, while still acknowledging that doing so makes him an asshole. Now, obviously, if this was something he did regularly, he would be an asshole of grand proportion. But it’s fairly clear that this isn’t a habit for him. It’s possible to behave like an asshole without actually BEING an asshole.

There are definitely people who would behave this way regularly. There are definitely people who DO behave this way regularly and take advantage of the accommodations in place for disabled people. My general feeling is this: Being disabled sucks most of the time. Every now and then it’s nice to find a silver lining. And OP’s silver lining is that his Crohn’s disease can get him out of an unnecessary event. It’s still an asshole move, but that’s okay.

I’m not calling this a justifiably asshole move. A justifiably asshole move is like when someone is treating you badly and the only way to get through to them is to just rip into them with the harshest language possible. It’s not justifiable to blow off a mandatory event you COULD conceivably participate in, using your disability as an excuse. It’s an asshole move and you just have to accept that.

Let me go back. When I said I probably would have done the same thing as OP, that’s not really accurate. I would have felt too guilty. BUT, I probably would have rationalized not going to death until I did not feel as guilty. And then I would have done the same thing.

Most of the commenters deemed OP “not the asshole,” which I just don’t think is right. I think it’s much more accurate to say he’s an asshole, but we’re okay with it. Which is how I feel about the whole situation. Yes, you’re an asshole, but I get it and I’m cool with it.

Have you ever played your disability to your advantage? I try not to do it on purpose, but sometimes the universe does it for me. A lot of people will put you at the front of the line when they see your wheelchair. Who am I to deny them their feel-good moment for the day?

Thanks for listening and I’ll talk to you in the next one.

[10:27]
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